Putting my scientific education to good use... or, rather, on my co-inhabitant

Observation #1: Our heater is broken. Yes, ladies and gentlemen- my house mates and I now officially live in an igloo. That's right. No need to visit Alaska. Just stop on by my house. No, seriously. We must huddle together to keep warm- the more the merrier.

Observation #2: Iyah is wearing no socks. She proclaims that the processing of putting socks on is "too much work". The cold has clearly gone to her head.

I then did what any normal young biologist would have done: I decided to conduct a little experiment of my own.

What kind of experiment, you ask? An experiment concerning the effects of peer pressure on the inhabitants of my natural habitat. Well, maybe not so much "inhabitants", as the newly identified taxonomic group, "Iyah".

Purpose: To determine whether or not the pressures of fellow ecosystem inhabitants will cause "Iyah" to realize that the energetic costs of putting on socks sure beats the alternative: that is, the loss of said toes.

You might say, "They are just toes, after all. Why is it energetically worth it?".

1. The loss of toes due to frost-bite will decrease one's likelihood of copulation. And without copulation, you can say "good-bye" to the survival of your genes. Nice way to win the Darwin Award, genius.

2. The presence of toes are necessary for balance. Without one's balance, one will not be able to perform necessary activities, such as scavenging for food (think about it- no more chocolate quests to SaveMart), escaping from predators (the monkey will catch you, and WILL eat you), or wooing of potential mates (again, see #1).

Procedure:

1. Suggest that we go find sustenance. As "Iyah" is putting on her shoes, make the observation aloud that she is not wearing socks.

2. Give "Iyah" a quizzical look and ask her "Are you really not going to put on socks?". If done correctly, "Iyah" will subcumb to the natural instinct to follow the wishes of the Alpha Female in order to please the tribe (Yes, we all know that I would be the Alpha Female in this situation).

3. Sigh loudly and exclaim "OH. MY. GOSH." Then stomp around in disbelief. The loud noise should intimidate her into submission.

4. If her instincts for survival have not kicked in yet, she is in for the next Darwin award. The gene pool will be better off without her genes. Good job.

Results:

As I was performing Step #1 of the procedure, "Iyah" proceeded to decide that wearing her flip-flops on this sustenance excursion was not the best idea. She then continued on to slip on her tennis shoes, yet without the socks. Only once I performed Step #3 did her natural instincts kick in. "Iyah" finally decided that it was more energetically effective to put on socks than to lose her toes to frost-bite.

Discussion:

While "Iyah" did eventually put on her socks, it is yet to be determined whether or not she put on her socks because she:

1. Decided that it was energetically favorable.

2. Wished to follow the wishes of the Alpha Female.

In other words, did "Iyah" put on her socks because she eventually decided that it was more energetically costly than to lose her toes (via loss of balance or reduced chances of copulation), or simply because she fell submissive to the Alpha Female?

Results:

While "Iyah" did eventually put on her socks after cohursion from said Alpha Female, further testing would have to be done in order to isolate variables of submission and "Iyah"'s comparison of energetically favorable processes.


... Needless to say, more experimental testing will be required.